Not everyone has been in a minority community, and sometimes it’s hard to speak about when it hits close to home. Recently I had a tense conversation that ended with both of us in tears. If you’ve tried and felt misunderstood or ignored- it hurts. At the end of the day sometimes I just want someone to notice I’m missing from the table.
What does that mean?
Consideration
When I was in high school I went to a lot of birthdays, ASB meetings, and sports rallies where I didn’t eat the provided pizza or cake. Any host who took the time to consider a.) someone might have a gluten allergy and b.) provided an alternative bought my undying love. I felt noticed, considered, and cared for. I wasn’t treated as a burden or the odd duck. I think people want to feel loved and included. It can feel troublesome or tiring to continually advocate for yourself. Simply being unrepresented in an activity can feel like an uphill battle. Am I welcome? Is this safe? Do they want me here? These questions are consciously and unconsciously on your mind as a member of a minority community.
Conversation
Do they notice if you’re not present? If there’s only men at the board meeting. If their advertising is white washed. If they’ve never considered handicap accessibility. If there’s a restroom they can use. Is a less stimulating space available if needed. Has someone taken 5 minutes on the topic of your needs. The truth is a lot of the time they haven’t. If they haven’t- can you have a conversation about it. Does it feel like you’re being heard? Do they want to help. Dialogue is a powerful tool. We all have our focus and our blind spots. Who’s missing at the table?
Visibility
I think a helpful tool for quickly engaging if people have had a conversation and considered what you need is if they make sure you know. Visibility is a public announcement that you are welcome at the table. We see you. We value you. This is important. We would like you here. A person or a company has taken the time to invest in your seat at the table.
We can all do better, companies and individuals alike, to notice when others are missing from the table. Reach out a hand, start a conversation, post an encouraging word, and educate yourself.
findingmyownpath 